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FHM
August 2004
QUOTE UNQUOTE: METHOD MAN AND REDMAN
By Andrew Vontz
Your new show is all about you guys being rich. What's the most bone-ass broke you've been?
M: When you wake up in the middle of the night when you a little kid and shit and you go in the kitchen and see your mom eatin’ the scraps that y’all left over, that’s when you know you rock bottom dog. There was never enough to eat, never enough clothes, never enough nuttin’ man, everything was shitty. I didn’t have no clothes and everybody get fashion conscious in high school so I said fuck it and dropped out. People was rockin’ Polo and Gap and Benneton and I couldn’t get my hands on none.
R: My momma, she a strong ass woman and she raised us by herself and she wasn’t having that shit. So if I was broke I wanted to go hustle, go shovel snow, go work with my uncle, go clean people’s yards. There was times when I was broke and I couldn’t do shit about it but that was not too long ago. I blew my money on rims and trucks and shit.
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve bought?
M: A fuckin’ diamond ice pick. I can’t even get on the plane with that shit.
R: I went low on buyin’ cars and rims, Lex’s, Benz’s, trucks. I was spending at least two, three hundred G’s on rims and shit.
Will you be able to survive if you ever MC Hammer it and end up poor again?
M: I got a lot of love in the ghetto man. People would be quick to hire my stinkin’ ass.
R: I’m not goin’ broke because I’m the cheapest motherfucker on this set. I live in a little one-bedroom apartment out here, I ain’t got no car, I don’t need none of that shit. If I ever go back broke I’m robbin’ me a mothafuckin’ bank dog.
Redman, when they showed your house on Cribs it was the biggest dump on Earth. Have you thought about asking Method Man to go on Trading Spaces with you to spruce it up a bit?
R: No, it wasn’t a big dump, it was just an apartment nigga. I like the way my shit is man because I know where my shit is at. I don’t want no makeover. My doorbell is still fucked up because nobody don’t need to be comin’ there. I don’t even get mail at my house—everything goes to my momma’s house.
On the show, Meth’s character’s mom moves into the house you guys share and Redman gets blamed for everything. When have you passed the buck in real life?
M: I was about six years old and we was playin’ Batman and Robin. I was tryin’ to make bad guys slip and fall. I poured gasoline on the floor and tried to blame my little sister. That was the first time I got on punishment and an ass whoopin’. My father always gave us the option—an ass whoopin’ or punishment and I always took the ass whoopin’ cuz I can go outside the next day. But my mother she gave me the punishment and the ass whoopin’. Five year old kid on a three month punishment—what kind of shit is that?
What’s the most pissed off you’ve ever seen your mom?
R: She caught me in bed with a girl when I was four. I was pimpin’ that year. No, when I was stayin’ in her crib I used to have nuttin’ but pictures of ass and titties all over the wall. She was like, yo, I want this shit off the wall. She told me two times and she beat me with a 2x4. She busted up my teeth and shit and the next minute all that shit was down. She’s a sneaky kind of hitter, when you ain’t lookin’—POW!
M: Oh, when I tapped her reefer. I was like seventeen. She used to send me to the weed spot see, cuz I never liked my mom going down to the weed spot alone. It was only half a nickel bag. I put some crack in that bitch and I smoked it up and she was pissed. I used to smoke woolah’s when I was younger, man, crack and weed. It ain’t fly. But back then even the Beastie Boys was rappin’ about smokin’ the woolhies. Then you seen the effects that crack was havin’ on people and everybody know, oh, this ain’t the drug for us.
Have you ever had to get all Ozzie Osbourne on your neighbors and chuck your fat son, er, ham, over the fence?
M: We don’t eat swine son. Before my first son was born me and my wife, was livin’ in Staten Island. We had two Rottweilers and they got loose and shit all over the floor. The landlady had a key and she walks up in the house. My wife was pregnant at the time with my son. She starts yellin’ at her about the shit on the floor. I got home after this lady left and I seen my wife cryin’ and I went over there and I aired that bitch out. I said don’t you ever come in my fuckin’ house and talk to my woman any fuckin’ way. She a grown ass woman, I’m a grown ass man and as long as your fuckin’ rent is paid don’t worry about what goes on in my fuckin’ house—and don’t think I ain’t seen them people comin’ here that you be buyin’ crack from cuz I grew up with them niggas so I know what you doin’ over there smokin’ crack, bitch.
R: Who’s Ozzie Osbourne?
How high were you when you made How High?
M: At first we was real high and then I was blowin’ scenes and they was like you gotta really want this and they ain’t nobody’s name on it but you and Redman so if you want to look stupid up there on film you keep doin’ what you doin’. It got to a point where I was like, I’m not smokin’ during work. When they say we wrap, then I’ll smoke.
R: We was high but we was focused. I’ve gone to jail over seven times for driving with drugs. One time I was supposed to go do this hot show right in Connecticut and I got caught right in Manhattan. Them cops out there in the east is so corrupt that they just walk around in plain clothes just out the blue. They got so many undercovers out there you bound to get locked up. Every rapper out on the east coast has been locked up.
Why are big asses so important?
M: The same reason guys wear a lot of jewelry because they know women like it.
R: I can’t stand them skinny modelin’ ass fuckin’ women. Y’all characterized it as skinny models is the women of today and I don’t believe that shit. Wait until we come out with a modelin’ agency. We have some BIG ASSES up there. You be like, yaaaaaahh!
You’ve done Right Guard commercials, albums, movies, and now a sitcom together. Do you ever have slumber parties?
R: Slumber parties? Nigga you askin’ the wrong muthafucka. I don’t know. I never sleep by this muthafucka.
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