FHM
January 2005

A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF ORGASMIC GENIUS
With a fresh look and a new job, Jenna Jameson shares a few of the choice words that made her the top author of 2004

By Andrew Vontz


Forget Bob Woodward and the rest of the authors who ahve scaled The New York Times bestseller list of late. They can write sort of OK, but none of them have ever received a pile-driving from Rocco Siffredi. Jenna Jameson has, and her book, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale, has been reprinted seven times. A new genius has emerged on the literary landscape and she has Heart Breaker tattooed on her ass.

Jenna is perhaps the greatest writer the world has known since Hemingway took off to drive an ambulance in the Spanish civil war. But her first stab at writing a book was not easy. “It was like bursting at the seams hard,” says the 30-year-old. “Spilling my heart out took so much out of me.”

Now she’s reaping the rewards. The veteran of 45 films, Jenna has inked a three-book deal and she’s busy optioning movies on her life story. She won’t confirm how much money she’s made, only that it’s in the realm of “millions and millions and millions.” We’re not surprised. Jenna’s book has brought the bi-curious author some fringe benefits. “When it comes to my book around 50% of my fans are women. And that’s hot.” But not as hot as her.


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You’re now officially the greatest author of 2004—how does it feel?
That’s hot. I wanted to write the best book possible and just happened to make it to the New York Times bestseller list.

How has storming the charts with Bill Clinton and the O’Reilly factor changed your life?
People take me more seriously. I don’t know if they should—but they do. In this day and age people don’t want to just hear about death and dismemberment—they want to hear about sex and somebody’s real life.

Now that you are the toast of literary salons from Bangok to Paris what kind of stalkers do you have?
Usually women come up to me and they’re like oh my God, I love you, you taught me how to give a blowjob, I ended up getting pregnant because of you, I named my baby after you. But when it comes to stalkers I have a lot of religious stalkers.

Do things ever get physical with fans?
One time I was at a lingerie party and a guy walked by me. He reached down and shoved his fingers into me so I came around with an elbow and knocked him out cold. It was awesome.

How does your husband handle the adoring masses?
The thing that bothers him is when fans come up to him and say, you don’t know how many times I’ve jacked off to your wife. He’s like, what the hell am I supposed to say to them? I just want to jack them in the face.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve brought into the relationship that’s not a human being?
A pair of needle nose pliers. He had me doggy style and he put my little toe into needle nose pliers. We do fun stuff where he’ll put a belt around my neck and drag me around the floor and make me lick the toilet.

Would FHM find anything unexpected in casa Jameson?
A 500-year-old painting out of a church in Spain of the birth of Mary. A lot of people don’t realize that you can be a porn star and religious.

What should the United States do to end nuclear proliferation in North Korea?
Bomb ‘em! You know they love blondes right? I’m no longer blonde so I better send some of my friends.

Out of all the celebrities you’ve met, who has been the creepiest?
Wesley Snipes. I was hosting a show for the E! channel, the Wild On show and we were covering the Planet Hollywood opening and he didn’t even know I was a porn star. I was sitting there talking to him and he was a cool guy and he just out of the blue looks over at me and says, so, do you like to be fucked in the ass? There’s not much that makes me blush or be at a loss for words but I literally just got up and walked away. Nobody in his right mind would say that to a woman especially if they’re trying to get laid, right? Didn’t happen.

Have you ever gone after a man with a weapon?
When I was around 20 I had a little .22 and I caught my ex-boyfriend cheating and I tried to shoot him. He grabbed the gun before I could. And I would have.

What injuries have you sustained during your career?
I did a scene with Rocco—Rocco is pretty well hung. I just couldn’t hang with it. It was just so incredibly painful that I was walking bow-legged for a week. It was insane. In reality size like that is not a good thing.

A plastic replica of your pussy is available at finer sex shops everywhere. How did they make that?
They put you in a doggy style position and slap plaster of Paris all over you. I have had fans come up to me with it and say, I had so much fun with this last night. Will you sign it? I almost vomited on the guy.

Did he clean it?
I don’t know. That’s the scary part. I didn’t sign it.

Do you have porn de ja vu when the cable guy or pizza guy comes over?
Do you know how many times I’ve answered the door buck naked to the pizza guy just for shock value? A month ago I had four girls here and we were doing a live show for my web site. We were all naked on the bed screwing around and the pizza guy came and I was like, girls we’ve all gotta answer the door buck naked and we all did it. The poor guy hyperventilated. He didn’t know what to do. He was just looking at the ground and I was like, honey it’s okay, you can look. He was like, oh my God, oh my God, you’ve made me whole entire life. And then he just walked away.

Who should play you when they make a movie about your life?
My life has been a rollercoaster so it’s going to be a challenging role. People say Jamie Presley, people say Jennifer Love Hewitt. I think they’re just talking about the rack. You know who I really love is Charlize Theron.

Have you ever met her?
I was in the Louis Vitton store on Rodeo drive and I looked up and she was standing right in front of me and I was like holy shit! I’m not a shy person but at that moment I was. But then I mustered it up and went and said I’m Jenna and she said, I know. Then she went about her thing shopping and I went about my thing. I was trying on clothes and walked into one of the dressing rooms and there she was getting dressed. I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

Did you really write your own answers to FHM’s ask Jenna and Isaak?
Yes I did. It was pretty much my first writing job. It’s all FHM, baby!