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Big Brother Skateboarding
April 2003
DON’T TREAD ON ME
An interview with Mike Page of the Oakland County, Michigan Militia
By Andrew Vontz
In the eyes of a chosen few, being a patriot means more than saying the pledge of allegiance to the flag and standing up to sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game’ during the seventh inning stretch. For these folks, patriotism begins with wielding a gun and standing up to those that encroach on our civil liberties and access to the American way of truth and light. Even if it means not getting pussy. However, it does not mean having sex with cats. Because, friends and fellow citizens, there is nothing about cat fucking in the constitution. So fuck all the cats you want, but realize that no militia will come to your aid when you have the business end of a Siamese stuck on patriot weapon number one.
What inspired you to take up arms?
I’ll tell you what. It’s interesting that you guys are skateboarders because I used to race BMX. I went up through the ranks and raced the B class of professional racing. I raced pro mountain biking and I loved it but I broke too many parts on my body and the thrill of those activities inspired me. Originally I wanted to join the Marine Corps and I had two older brothers and they talked me out of it at the time. I was doing well financially so they talked me out of it. Politically my thoughts have been of militia thinking and freedom since I was like fifteen years old. I see the wrongs that happen to people and it really bugged me and when I got into the militia I found out it was available to train with and it was exciting. I do a lot of high risk training—nothing illegal—but we do active firearms training.
Have you had any personal experiences with the New World Order?
Every day I pay the bankers of the world large amounts of interest but personally I think a lot of the World Trade Organization protestors and NAFTA protestors are hitting the social problems in our country on the money. It’s a struggle to keep a family going on a single person’s income and it causes a lot of drug problems.
What does it mean to be a militia man?
To me it means that in the case of a national disaster and an emergency, a takeover of our country, we’ll step in and do our best to thwart the effort. We hope the general population will come along and help and that includes voting.
Should every patriot be a militia man?
Every patriot, yes. Either they’re fighting via words on the computer or contacting their congressman and telling them this isn’t the way it should go or they’re training and taking up arms in case that doesn’t work out. Every patriot should be balanced in both. Why are there so many people in jail for smoking pot? Why are we criminalizing these individuals for doing something to themselves? Once you start hurting other people, then the laws are valid.
What’s the appropriate way to address a fellow militia man? Comrade?
We have ranks under a combat situation or training but generally we’re all equal so we address each other by names.
At what age do you think a youth should take up arms and begin training with automatic weapons?
We don’t use automatic weapons. We all use legal weapons, because of undue pressure from the powers that be it causes too much problems. We pride ourselves on marksmanship so it’s not necessary to have automatic weapons. As far as age goes, as soon as you’re able and you think you’re responsible enough. And being responsible enough means you’re not going to go out and kill the rest of your class because someone stuck bubble gum on your necks. I owned firearms when I was ten years old. I got my ass beat several times severely and I never wanted to go shoot up the kids at my school. Even in a survival situation, it’s very good to be able to defend yourself. An unarmed person is a willing victim.
If the black helicopters come for us, where do you recommend our readers hide?
They should band together with family and friends and close trusted people and as far as hiding, cities are fine places to hide and the country is a fine place to hide but the country is a little hard. I’d also like to mention that we’re a nonreligious and non-racist group. It’s not acceptable to be a racist and we have people from all walks of life and females. If you’re an American either born or naturalized, you’re a compatriot and we’re more than willing to help. We will not help any members of fascist or racist groups.
What items should every patriot have in his arsenal?
First and foremost, a battle rifle which would consist of an M1A which runs about 1200 bucks or FNFAL or some kind of variant or possibly an AR-15, the civilian version of the M-16 and I would suggest a side arm, definitely an extra 200-300 rounds of ammo, a canteen with a quart or two of water and some camouflage clothing.
Speaking of patriots, our attorney general wants us to spy on one another. How does that preserve our liberties as Americans?
It doesn’t. What it does is it causes divisiveness and you’ll remember in East Germany they had a thing called the Stazi and that’s what we’re becoming and every time your neighbor says boo you can be caused thousands and thousands of dollars of legal costs and you can be incarcerated. We’re not supposed to be caged up for things we think and talk about because of freedom of speech. We are supposed to be caged up for things we do when we hurt other people. When you get incarcerated for your thoughts or actions you become no better than Russia or North Korea or Iraq. We put millions of people in jail in this country and are we any better? It’s the bane of liberty.
When the war with Afghanistan came up, were you tempted to fly over there and go Rambo on Osama?
Nope. Not at all. Actually we were best friends with Afghatinsan because as far as the DEA was concerned the Taliban was the biggest processor of opium and now we have opium flowing in our streets and opium is used to make heroin. We’re constantly taking our allies and turning them into enemies. We’re constantly providing gear and weapons which are then used against us. There’s plenty of other places to get oil besides Iraq. I don’t agree with a lot of military actions, but I fully support these guys once they’re in a war.
If you could have five minutes in the ring with Sadaam Hussein, how would you neutralize him?
It would be kind of fun. It’s hard to say. He was one of the people we were allied with as long as he was killing Iranians. I’d make it quick. Either a bullet in the head or cut his throat. He’s a threat as long as we’re in his backyard. If we’re over here, he’s not much of a threat to US property or US citizens, but maybe to US corporate interests may be more like it.
The Michigan Militia calendar features some hot sniz dressed up in combat gear. Are there any fringe benefits to being a militia member?
Personally I don’t feel that’s necessary to promote our group but each group is in an individual county. I don’t think they were victims of anything, but it’s not a thing that I think is appropriate for our group. Usually you get shunned by most people when they find out you’re a militia member more because they don’t understand it than anything else.
So it doesn’t help you get laid?
No. It might if you get thrown in jail because of it. Bubba might be liking you.
When it’s the dead of winter and you’re belly crawling under barbed wire in a war games situation, what keeps you going?
Family and friends and knowing of the possibility that I can at least move them into a safe area and possibly retaliate against oppressive forces effectively and not just because it’s my emotion. I’m taking the time to train myself like all citizens should.
President Bush seems to be having a lot of trouble snaring Osama and the other evil ones. Do you have any recommendations on how he might smoke a fox out of its hole?
He’s gotta quit using them as the ghost to chase around the middle east. As long as he’s out there, there will always be support for him to go after the evil ones. I don’t think Sadam will go away with this one either but it’s a good way to sell high-tech military stuff to other countries so they can keep up with us. I believe more people are patriots than not patriots but it will take a major kick in the ass before they all stand up and say enough is enough. And that’s not to say by any means I’m a communist and we should have equality for all. Capitalism is not for the corporation, it’s for the small guy.
Well thank God you’re not a communist. I used to be the leader of the American Serfs Youth Militia in Kansas City, Missouri. We were a hand to hand combat militia. Our motto was ‘try to take these arms away Uncle Sam.’ What are your views on hand-to-hand combat?
It’s crucial. It could save you or possibly change the action. Say you’re captured, hand-to-hand combat could turn the tide. It’s better to fight to your last breath and stand up fighting than to let them discard you like a piece of trash.
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